it's wednesday, february 13 at 11:48 pm.
tomorrow is valentine's day. every year i get myself all pumped up and convinced that i am not going to let the pink and red explosion or the googley-eyed couples, the chocolate filled hearts and teddy bears get to me. and every year, without fail, they do. i guess it is probably more than the trival things that bother me. it goes much deeper than that. i would really like to be the girl that gets flowers, but instead, i have been deemed "deliverer." i know it sounds pathetic and lame but it really is a very hard day for me. maybe because i am such a hopeless romantic to begin with. i don't know. and really, i am not a cynical, i hate this day kind of person. however, my heart longs for what i see all around me (and more than glorified on 2-14) and it makes me sad. being upset, i tend to just be a sarcastic, hard person.

seven more minutes...

i need to go to bed. i just wrote a book review on "the great divorce." i am really not happy with it at all. i have felt lost from the beginning of this paper. the professor never told us what exactly she wanted. she just said to write a book review. what does that mean? elaborate, por favor. i guess we will see how i favor in the grading process. if it's not well, she and i will be having words, you can count on it. :)

what else is new? my best friend moved far away, but i think i am going to go see her for easter break. i miss her very much already. i hate separation. i hate change. and yet, i feel so discontented and just want to get away. i don't understand. i don't understand myself at all.

i guess that's all for now.
happy valentine's day. (and yes, i did roll my eyes as i typed that)

12:01 am